Create Some Joy

Not Going Into Hiding

2008-08-30T19:48:00.000-07:00

Evacuating to outrun the Hurricanes. O V E R W H E L M E D!

Can I get a little mojo, please?

2008-07-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

Connor has had infections since the day after Jason left for Iraq. The normal course of ear drop antibiotics we use did not work, still did not work when I used them for 2 weeks instead of one. Oh that goes for the medication for his eye infection too!

Severe Cleft kid = congenital ear and eye infections = mom who drinks wine.

2 weeks of augmentin = nada, now he has a DOUBLE ear infection!

Now he is on omnicef...and he has a UTI...but Jason says omnicef will knock out a UTI too, so that is good.

Can I get a little positive mojo from y'all? We need thoughts, prayers, whatever. Poor Connor. Poor Mama.

Big Girl Panties

2008-06-16T19:52:00.000-07:00

We are managing. We are making new friends because we have to.

So I am spacing my time out like this:

Friday: Project night with the SCA where I am making garb (costumes) for the kids with my own sewing machine that I just learned how to use. Really interesting people, the kids LOVE it.

Saturday: nothing!

Sunday: church, Michael's Craft Store, and brunch at The End of the Line Cafe vegan restaurant where we get an amazing amount of food for $8.00 a person, but Connor just eats a whole order of hummus and pita bread.

7:00 AM to4 PM: amazing amount of work taking care of 8 pets, 2 kids, homeschooling, frantic cleaning, doing the bills for the first time in my life, CRAFTS!

4-5PM: Jason calls

5 PM - 11 PM: amazing amount of work taking care of 8 pets, 2 kids, homeschooling, frantic cleaning, doing the bills for the first time in my life, CRAFTS!

I get to talk to Jason everyday, which is cool. I feel bad for him because a lot of the time I sound a bit frantic/ Why? See above. He told me today that he works out 2 hours a day! I repeat 2 HOURS a day. Wow, I wish I had that kind of time to myself, then again, I don't want to have to go to Iraq to do it, nor do I want to see 18-22 year olds blown apart by IEDs. That part sucks.

He can't tell me about that part of his day, gag order for obvious reasons, but he can send me a link in my e-mail from Fox News detailing the latest round of people blown up near his base, yep, that is what he tended to that day. Google Kirkuk and look at the news tab.

He says the base is cool because they have lots of food, he specifically likes the cheesecake and chi lattes. Hmm, not the MREs I was imagining thank goodness! He has a lot of luxuries guys in the field do not have, but I think he is going to be a bit traumatized by what he has seen in terms of blown apart bodies.

We went to a birthday party for a girl in our homeschool group today and that was cool, the kids ran around in an arcade and had a blast. Hopefully these people will "stick" as a group for us to hang around with, the last group, the Mom's Club was not a fit at all. Epic fail. The women hated me, Alanna bit other kids twice and the moms were horrified, Connor was loud and louder. Of course no other children in the f*ing club were ever rowdy, just mine. Connor at pre-school: fail, belonging to the Moms Club: fail, the fact that we are not Baptist or any other main-stream denomination: fail. Next.

My mom is coming next week, so I am looking forward to having another living soul to talk to...even if it IS one who doesn't really like kids. Maybe the one-on-one time will make her bond with the kids, we'll see.

Our next big thing we are looking forward to is Alanna's birthday. We are driving to Atlanta to go to the big aquarium there and then go to the American Girl Doll Boutique & Bistro. Alanna will be getting her first doll (from my mom), her first outfit for her doll (from Jason's mom) , her first outfit for her to match her doll (from me) and her first American Girl store shopping experience. They will have a cake for us and everything. My sister-in-law may or may not show up, at this point, all I care about is that go SOMEWHERE and do SOMETHING fun.

After that we get to look forward to Jason's little sister's wedding in September. I get to drive for a few days by myself with the kids, then be surrounded by Jason's family, do the obligatory stop at my parent's house, then drive a few days back. I feel overwhelmed just typing that. Every cotton picking member of his family and no Jason in sight to protect me from my own damn big mouth. Frack. Pray that I don't get myself into trouble with them...again. Please?

One last thing before I end this rant: I have lost 7 lbs. and counting since Jason left! Go me! I am exercising 3 days a week and trying to fit it in more times, I'd like to do it at least 5 days a week, but we'll see. Eating is a breeze, no splurging when Mr. Super Metabolism isn't around! Ok, so I have learned that I use having him around as a reason to gorge myself on the weekends...but who doesn't use "family together time" as a reason to eat rich, fatty, sugary, salty, carb-laden yummy foods?

/end rant

There May Be Hope Yet!

2008-06-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

Way to go Obama! I must admit that I came into this race a Hillary supporter and before that I said that if McCain ever ran I'd vote for him, and yes I even Googled Ron Paul.

Hillary is my girl, so don't you even! Step off eh? Wanna fight? But I must admit that Obama won me over, he just may be the only person who can unite our country AND get us back in the good graces with the rest of the countries who used to like us...maybe help blacks and whites bridge some gaps...get us the FUCK out of Iraq safely...get us to sign environmental treaties...end hunger...

Let's just say I have high hopes. If Hill was the VP I'd be even more excited, let's just be happy that one of the most eloquent men I have ever heard will now be on the presidential ticket. Hell yea.

Revelation!

2008-05-29T10:38:00.000-07:00

Did you notice that the decline in my mood and patriotism seem to coincide with the waning of my caffeine buzz. Solution: more caffeine?

My Moods

2008-05-28T12:54:00.000-07:00

I think that this deployment is leaving me very moody, but it is on a schedule. Here it is as best as I can figure:

7:00 AM - optimistic
9:00 AM - liberated
11:00 AM - empowered
1:00 PM - neutral
3:00 PM - tired
5:00 PM - frazzled
7:00 PM - disgruntled
9:00 PM - frothing at the mouth raging bitch
11:00 PM - wine buzzed

Plan your times to communicate with me accordingly. By the evening I am combative enough to take out the Taliban single-handed. I am frantic, pissed, feel trapped and abandoned at the same time. Don't call me in the evening to discuss how patriotic I feel about the situation if you don't want to be yelled at. If you want me to recite the oath of how proud I am and how we are keeping our chins up talk to me in the morning, talk to me at other times and I may be forced to tell you the truth. Talk to me after the wine and I'll tell you how I feel about the entire world - you don't want this.

I think it is kind of like pendulum, in the morning I realize that I do not have it bad compared to so many people on this planet and in my own neighborhood for that matter, the day is ours to do with as we like and it feels good not to revolve around some one else's schedule. By the time evening rolls around the magnitude of how much I have to do on my own becomes overwhelming and I freak out.

I live in BFE and that makes it difficult for people to visit, even by plane their is no direct flight, that means that it is hard to get to, and with gas prices the way they are it is expensive to drive here, I get that. I also get that the majority of the people here suck ass. I get that I have to put myself out more and find my own group, which will probably be from the SCA so that I can geek out as much as I want without upsetting the bible beaters here.

I think this would be totally different if this was a war I supported and a cause I believed in, unfortunately I see this as a pit of despair being made worse everyday, and unless my husband goes AWOL and goes to jail or runs to Canada we are screwed and have to do what Bush tells us to do. This is not a job he can just quit. I never want him to be deployed again, I don't want him to sign up again, I hate this.

Oops, frothing at the mouth raging bitch has come early today. Damn. Wine buzz must earlier to compensate soon or all hell will break loose.

Bye.

Being the Fun One

2008-05-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

So my biggest adjustment so far has been changing my role. I used to just be disciplinarian, teacher, beast wrangler, chef, maid, sex goddess (LOL!)...now I have to be fun too. Man I think I used to be fun, I mean my niece and nephew thought I was fun when I was just "Crazy Aunt Colleen". It was great to play with kids, spoil them, then put them back where you found them, but in reality I have relied on Jason to be the fun one because dammit I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO TO BE FUN!!! Being in charge is stressful and playing when you are all stressed out does not work. Dee, Nicole what is the first thing I do when I get to hang out with you once a year or once every few months? Tequila Sunrises! I have to, man it is hard to carry so many responsibilities with you at all times.

Jason is gone, I have to be fun. I have to make sure that I stop getting things done and make time to play. We went to the beach tonight for a picnic, but we almost didn't make it because Connor was being a five year-old boy and my one remaining semi not frazzled nerve was about to go. He sincerely begged me and we ended up having a good time. I think I am learning a lot on this deployment, it is a huge time for serious reflection.

I can do this because: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnit I bought a new bottle of wine.

Have You Seen This Pony?

2008-05-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

She is missing, last seen stuffed deep inside Jason's bag.

Jason rescued one of Alanna's "My Little Pony" figures from the wrath of a chewy puppy a few days ago and it has been sitting on top of his night side table ever since. This morning when we woke up I was feeling a bit naughty so I grabbed the pink pony and stuffed it into his nicely packed bag. I giggled imagining his surprise when he gets to Iraq and pulls a pony out of his bag, then realized that he needed one of Connor's toys to balance things out.

Yea, a whale is going to Iraq.

Am I passive agressive? Maybe. Do I think it is incredible silly to think of a man stationed in Iraq wearing full camo gear pulling a pink pony out of his bag? Absolutely. Does a deployed father need a whale? You bet. I am sure the kids will get a kick out of seeing pictures of their toys in Iraq with Daddy.

This is Why We HAve Too Many Animals, They Are So Cute!

2008-05-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

Jason and I thought you had to see how we have corrupted the natural order of animals.
Starring: Hailey the Dog, Sam the Cowardly Cat, Chloe the Rat (black and white) and Lavender the Rat (all gray).

Mother's Day Musings

2008-05-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

My husband told me when we first met that he was agnostic, he hated anything to do with religion and has sneered at any mention of churches. Today while we are at church he told me he was going to go the bathroom while the kids were playing on the playground, he comes back with the minister so we can officially sign the membership book and join the church. Wow, unexpected, but wonderful.

There is a new giraffe at the local zoo, he is a male. "Does he have a polka dot weiner?"

Me: "One more game of my new game: Mario Cart Racing." Connor: "You so totally rock mom!"

Usually a phone call during dinner upsets me, but this one gave me a few extra precious days with my husband. What a great Mother's Day Gift!

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts

2008-05-08T19:32:00.000-07:00

Go check out Oka b shoes

What's happier than shoes? Mmmmm, yummy. I got a pair of these sandals in New Orleans and fell in love with them, They are antimicrobial, waterproof, and best of all you can put whatever ribbon you like in them! As long as a craft store sells ribbon, you can change your shoes to match your outfit!

I like the Caroline style the best, with a slight wedge, but there are lots of other styles too. I originally bought them in brown, but today I ordered them in red and black too. Free shipping right now. Kids sizes too!

This style is called the Madison, I bet I know a certain Virginia dwelling girl who might like a pair.

See, no freaking out about Iraq?

Making A Resolution

2008-05-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, I am determined not to turn this blog into a bitch fest while Jason is gone. I will try to write only the positive things that happen so that I will focus on the positive.

Um, preparing for a deployment has helped us to get lots of stuff on our "to do" list done, including filling out paperwork for a will.

See? Positive.

The Countdown Begins

2008-04-30T18:10:00.000-07:00

Jason is now "off" from work till he deploys. Less than 2 weeks now. I just broke into a sweat typing that. Crap. I don't want him to go.

He points out that it means he is one day closer to getting home and like to say "they can't stop time". No, the Air Force can't stop time...yet, I'm sure they are working on it though.

Bad Furniture!

2008-04-22T07:09:00.000-07:00

Alanna fell off of a side table this morning and was crying. Connor first looked at me to tell me that he did NOT do it, then he comforted Alanna and scolded the table "BAD FURNITURE, BAD,BAD,BAD!"

Yesterday he told me that when Alanna grows up and wants to move away, we have to stop her so that we can keep her forever.

This is the cool part of being a mom.

No Ranting, Just Raving

2008-04-19T19:01:00.000-07:00

There is a new ice cream flavor that is so yummy: Ben & Jerry's Cake Batter. Think yellow cake with chocolate frosting. It really tastes like yellow cake batter and the chocolate frosting swirl really tastes like chocolate frosting. I love Ben & Jerry's.

When life gets crazy, eat Ben & Jerry's. Now why am I having trouble losing weight?

F*** School

2008-04-10T17:39:00.000-07:00

So Connor and I finally get to the bottom of a big thing making him unhappy: he really, really, really hates school. He does not like his teacher, his classmates, the program...nothing about it. Sure, most kids hate school, but not preschool! He told me last night that he missed his old preschool and his buddies there. We are finishing up the school year next month, and he still does not have good friends at school, he misses his friends from Maryland. In Maryland he was the only white child in his class, and I think he liked it that way. Lol. Connor will always be the whitest kid in the room where ever he goes due to his syndrome, but I digress. I talked to Jason last night and reminded me that his mother took him out of preschool because he was not ready. In my family we were not allowed to quit anything. I had to weigh these opposing sides in my mind.

Today we were at a strawberry picking farm with our Mom's Club group and one mother who happened to be at the preschool yesterday told Connor "You had a really bad day yesterday didn't you?" She told me how he was throwing fits because he hates to sing with the group. Wow, so even to the casual unbiased observer how Connor is miserable at the school. It is a nice school!

I asked him what they were singing that he hated so much and he said "songs about God". Fine, we're done. Fuck school.

One: we don't bring him there to reinforce our religious views, they run contrary to the school in some cases.

Two: he is reading at a first grade level and refuses to do work because he is bored to tears.

Three: we thought that preschool would be good for him socially, but he does not like the children there, so it is backfiring.

Four: preschool is not preparing him for school because he is going to be homeschooled next year.

He is so happy that tomorrow is his last day. I am a stick it out person no matter what, so I had to suck it up, but I think this will ease a huge burden in his life.

Just too much on my plate

2008-04-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

You ever just have too much going on? I am on overload and don't know how to get back my balance. We have had a crazy time in the past few months, now Jason is on a TDY and supposed to be home on Saturday, but he will be flying home out of Dallas on American, so wish us luck.

I was supposed to get my mojo back this past weekend because my best buddy from childhood and I had been planning a trip to New Orleans for months. She said that a friend of hers from home MIGHT need to hang out with us if her plans with an old boyfriend fell through. Boy did they fall through. This girl basically crashed my getaway weekend , made me feel like a third wheel with my own friend and didn't even offer to pay her share of the hotel room. I just feel empty inside about it. Have not talked to my friend since I came home.

Connor is so angry with Daddy not being home that he is destroying anything in his path. He is so out of control that I took away ALL of his toys and books, everything. This is after I threw away many of his Transformers because he has been peeing on the carpet...just because he feels like it. I am waiting to hear back from a children's mental health professional right now.

I am just done. I am so done and things really haven't even started yet, It's only going to get worse when Jason goes to Iraq.

I think it is 5 o'clock somewhere...right now.

Belief-O-Matic

2008-03-25T10:18:00.000-07:00

I scored 100% for Unitarian Universalist in the Belief-O-Matic quiz, which is cool, because I just joined the Unitarian Universalist Church of Pensacola! Sweet. They are so chill, you can believe in the flying spaghetti monster and they are like"tell me more". I actually heard a sermon that made me cry. It was so beautiful. Basically it was about seeing Jesus's death as the execution of a man who spoke out for tolerance and love, and about how the politics of the day got rid of him for it. The idea was why would an all-knowing, all-loving God kill his son? He didn't, men did. From there we know the story was used as propaganda.

I think Jesus is way cool and probably spends his free time playing pool with Moses, Buddha and Muhammad. They probably sit around shaking their heads at what a mess humans have made of the messages they gave us. Anywhoo, This is how the Belief-O-Matic describes Unitarian Universalists:

Belief in Deity
Very diverse beliefs--Unitarian/Universalists welcome all deity beliefs as well as nontheistic beliefs. Some congregations are formed for those who share a common belief, e.g. Christianity.

• Incarnations
Very diverse beliefs, including belief in no incarnations, or that all are the embodiment of God. Some believe Christ is God's Son, or not Son but "Wayshower."

• Origin of Universe and Life
Diverse beliefs, but most believe in the Bible as symbolic and that natural processes account for origins.

• After Death
Diverse beliefs, but most believe that heaven and hell are not places but are symbolic. Some believe heaven and hell are states of consciousness either in life or continuing after death; some believe in reincarnation; some believe that afterlife is nonexistent or not known or not important, as actions in life are all that matter.

• Why Evil?
Most do not believe that humanity inherited original sin from Adam and Eve or that Satan actually exists. Most believe that God is good and made people inherently good but also with free will and an imperfect nature that leads some to immoral behavior. Diverse beliefs. Some believe wrong is committed when people distance themselves from God. Some believe in “karma,” that what goes around comes around. Some believe wrongdoing is a matter of human nature, psychology, sociology, etc.

• Salvation
Some believe in salvation through faith in God and Jesus Christ, along with doing good works and doing no harm to others. Many believe all will be saved, as God is good and forgiving. Some believe in reincarnation and the necessity to eliminate personal greed or to learn all of life’s lessons before achieving enlightenment or salvation. For some, the concepts of salvation or enlightenment are irrelevant or disbelieved.

• Undeserving Suffering
Diverse beliefs. Most Unitarians do not believe that Satan causes suffering. Some believe suffering is part of God’s plan, will, or design, even if we don’t immediately understand it. Some don’t believe in any spiritual reasons for suffering, and most take a humanistic approach to helping those in need.

• Contemporary Issues
The Unitarian Universalist Association’s stance is to protect the personal right to choose abortion. Other contemporary views include working for equality for homosexuals, gender equality, a secular approach to divorce and remarriage, working to end poverty, promoting peace and nonviolence, and environmental protection.

Rest In Peace Heath

2008-01-24T08:04:00.000-08:00

Why do celebrity deaths disturb us so deeply? We don't actually know them so we? Well maybe we do. The human being is programmed to respond to other human beings and form attachments, and we form attachments through visual, audio, and sensory input; two of these 3 things are achieved through TV and movies. Combine the ability to experience audio and visual input from the same person in the confines of your own home on a repeated basis, and some little part of your brain stores affection for this person, or at least the character they play. I have been watching "A Knight's Tale" over and over again for the last few weeks while I work out on my treadmill. I know that logically we have never met, but some part of me feels like a friend who was just at my house last week, has died suddenly.

I am saddened that a man I thought was very intelligent, very talented and very good looking will no longer make movies for me to enjoy. I am saddened as the parent of a two year-old girl that two year-old Matilda will not know her father. I am freaked out that there are two new movies out there that will be playing on the big screen and he will not be alive...it will be creepy to watch with that huge shadow cast on his performances. I am saddened that my own personal feel good movie will darken a little because of the sudden death of the main character.

First Steve Irwin, now Heath Ledger, two awesome Aussie men called back to the force. So sad.

If I could, I'd trade Brittany, Paris, Lindsey Lohan and Tom Cruise to get you back mate! It's just not fair that the crappy people thrive will the good men die. Maybe you were just here for a brief time to inspire us to do better. I'll go hug my daughter even longer today and remember to make each moment count.

Good bye Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein, Gelderland will never be the same without you. Rest in peace Sir William Thatcher, wished I could have changed your stars.

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Click Here for great kid friendly Halloween Songs!

A new post...FINALLY!

2007-10-10T18:15:00.001-07:00

Life is going pretty well here in Florida. Connor has a new preschool, Alanna goes to the day care at the gym while I work out, I go to several Mom's Club events a week, and my sexy little business is taking off.

We finished the second coat of paint in our bedroom(started in July)and got our pretty, pretty ceiling fan up tonight. We have never ever done much to our bedroom in any place we have lived so having something really pretty is new to us. We decorated the walls of our new bedroom with pictures of flowers taken on our anniversary trip to Williamsburg, VA so that they have special meaning to us. The bedspread is from the Sears Ty Pennington collection. Love Ty! The green came out darker than we expected but now we love it.

The kids at a "Barn Bash" Halloween festival.

Connor is starting to read and wanted asked me how to spell "poop" and "turd" today, gotta love it. Alanna gets along with every child well and I am always told how sweet she is. I almost don't know what to do with a normal child. No phone calls home about hitting? No blood curdling screams after 5 minutes of play with new children? Hmmm.

Here is my directorial debut, Connor had to bring in something that started with "E" for show and tell. I went overboard but had fun. Enjoy!

I am still alive!

2007-08-27T11:45:00.001-07:00

I know, it has been a few months. Honestly I am having way too much fun with my MySpace page, reconnecting with all sorts of people from my childhood to blog.

We're in Florida now in our brand new house. We have little storage space, so we are trying to be inventive about finding new homes for our belongings. Oh, good excuses to get pretty new bookshelves. Tee Hee!

Um...

We played with hermit crabs on a random beach in Pensacola this weekend. Hermit crabs just run around wild all over the beaches here, they are so cute and fun to hold. Alanna likes to pick them up and throw them back in the water "Mermit Crab go SPLASH!"

If you feel like saying "hi" leave a comment.

What's Up With Parabens?

2007-04-15T09:53:00.000-07:00

Parabens are in just about everything we put on our bodies...deodorant, cosmetics, lotions, face masks cleansers...and they are known to act as weak forms of the hormone estrogen and a recent study showed that 6 different kinds of parabens were found in breast cancer tissue samples.

WTF?

Look in your personal care products, you WILL find parabens in there. Could it be possible that we are slathering ourselves in products that disrupt our normal hormones and lead to cancers, especially brest cancer? Every product I own from Bath and Body Works has parabens, Origins too! Why is it that now more than ever women still have acne into their later years? We are putting hormone disrupting lotions on our bodies and faces and thiking it will cause no harm. This freaks me out!!!

Read about the study from a breast cancer site (breast cancer.org)here

I also found out today that the baby wash I use on my children contain high levels of 1,4-Dioxane, a petroleum derived contaminant considered a probable carcinogen by the EPA and suspected by others to cause birth defects. Crap. What does the EPA do but sit around torturing animals for the fuck of it just to allow us to slather ourselves in carcinogens so that one day decades from now we can point to all of the chemicals we dump into our cosmetics, toiletries, food and water supply and prove that cause cancer and birth defects?

Read about it here. I bet the stuff you are washing your children with is on this list.

What are we supposed to do?

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2007-03-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

I have so much to do and I am procrastinating. Hi. I have a lot of coffee running in my veins, but I don't really want to use the energy. I procrastinate by sitting in front of the computer, clicking endlessly as if seeking sustinance from life-giving web pages. Yea, you are doing it too, right now in fact.

I am supposed to be cleaning, getting ready for a Passion Party tonight, getting ready for my "Daddy Daughter Day" of going to Philly to see the King Tut exhibit at the butt crack of dawn on Saturday, supposed to be getting ready for having my neice and nephew over on Sunday/Monday. Supposed to, supposed to, suposed to. Procrastinating.

All I really care about are the rumors of getting our orders next week. I keep looking at houses in the Eglin area and drooling. I love the for rent/for sale where we could move right in now and maybe buy in a year when the doctor money is comming in. A real honest to goodness house! EEEEK!

I have such senior-itis. I am ready to go, ready to pack TJ, Nicole and their kids and pets into my suitcase and bolt out of here. Procrastinate. Maybe if I write enough about my procrastination, the Procrastination Fairy will do all of my work for me. Hmm. I think I feel a monkey comming out of my butt. Not litterally.

AHHHHHH!

SPRING

2007-03-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

We are back from Disney. Cute pictures are here.

Character breakfast with Leo and June from The Little Einstiens

Character breakfast with the princesses at the Norway pavillion in Epcot. Alanna was in a Little Mermaid wedding dress and we were thrilled that the Little Mermaid was there in a dress too!

Belle!

Mater!

When asked if Connor wanted to be Peter Pan or Captain Hook this Halloween, he went for Hook. Not surprising for a kid who chose Darth Vader over Han Solo at age 2.

And then of course we have Alanna in her mermaid fin costume and Ariel in her fins!

So...cute...dying...from...cuteness...overload...

Yea the kids had a good time. Yea the kids were also a pain, but we are teaching them how to be travelers: how to to plane rides, sleep in a hotel room, deal with public transportation etc.

We also got Alanna a Tinkerbell costume so that this year our Halloween theme will be Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Tee hee :)

Spring is here and the exercise has resumed. I feel better already. I have a feeling that time is going to FLY from here on out. We only have about 4 months till we move...where ever it is we are going to move!

Weeee.