Old Loves

I just came back from my friend's wedding and wanted to put down my feelings in words. Where do I start? I start where every insecure person starts, at the beginning. I met Dee when I was 9. We were both short, scrawny kids with a fair complexion, dark hair and freckles. What started was a life long on-again off-again friendship that has lasted to this day. What I take from this is that when you know someome as a child, you know their core, their being. You can grow up and move away, but your core does not change.

I am still wearing the make-up, the dress, the hair-do from the wedding. It is 1:20 in the morning and I cannot break down my wedding self before I breakdown my feelings from the wedding. When I saw Dee up there, at the alter, I almost felt like it was me up there,when you know someone that just feel their highs with them like that. She was glowing, she was radient. I could not be happier for my friend.

Which brings me to my wedding table. A mis-matched ensemble at best. My ex-boyfriend from 9th grade who basically ruined my high school experience, his wife who did track stats with me and was a nice buddy, the ultra-shy neighbor who grew up near me but was always afraid to speak 2 words to me, her husband, some random people, and my friend Tony, who brought me to the wedding. Now, Tony...he was a friend from way back, who had been involved in a butt pinching incident that has haunted me till this day. I had to write a note home explaining what I had done in 8th grade, a two-handed butt lifter that made poor Tony yelp in the hallway. My parents made copies and made it numero uno topic of conversation when he picked me up.

Butt sex. Why does it come into a conversation? Who knows, but it is there. A rumor leads into a true story of anal toys, leads into the private lives of married couples until you find out that for many the butt had been kept sacred unto the person you married. Probably the funniest conversation of my life, especially given the circumstances.

I am sad that Jason is not with me, but happy at the same time. Being Tony's date meant that I had sense of freedom not felt in a long time, but it meant that I could not fully experience these moments till I called him and uploaded the memories. Mainly, these things would have never happened with him here.

Rob Snyder would have never apologized for making my life a living hell had Jason been here. Nor would he have admited what a big part of his life I had been. He was a big part of my life too. A part I am glad we both survived and have lived to tell the completed tale.

I lived so many years hating this place, The Eastern Shore, because of people like him, and all of that is resolved now. He hugged me and said he was sorry. Years of counseling could not make a better emotional healing potion than that.

People loved me, and still do because of how different I am. I don't have to hide from that past. I don't have to hide from the future when we move here. What a relief.