Mysterious Irish Goddess? Mom in crisis? Digital Photo Geek? Friend to all animals in need? Vegetarian Junk Food Expert? Lonely yet devious doctor's wife? Dealing with a cleft lip / cleft palate child or Ectrodactyly-Ectodermal Dysplasia with Cleft Syndrome? Stuck in the alterna-90s? Enter my madness.
I think that this deployment is leaving me very moody, but it is on a schedule. Here it is as best as I can figure:
7:00 AM - optimistic 9:00 AM - liberated 11:00 AM - empowered 1:00 PM - neutral 3:00 PM - tired 5:00 PM - frazzled 7:00 PM - disgruntled 9:00 PM - frothing at the mouth raging bitch 11:00 PM - wine buzzed
Plan your times to communicate with me accordingly. By the evening I am combative enough to take out the Taliban single-handed. I am frantic, pissed, feel trapped and abandoned at the same time. Don't call me in the evening to discuss how patriotic I feel about the situation if you don't want to be yelled at. If you want me to recite the oath of how proud I am and how we are keeping our chins up talk to me in the morning, talk to me at other times and I may be forced to tell you the truth. Talk to me after the wine and I'll tell you how I feel about the entire world - you don't want this.
I think it is kind of like pendulum, in the morning I realize that I do not have it bad compared to so many people on this planet and in my own neighborhood for that matter, the day is ours to do with as we like and it feels good not to revolve around some one else's schedule. By the time evening rolls around the magnitude of how much I have to do on my own becomes overwhelming and I freak out.
I live in BFE and that makes it difficult for people to visit, even by plane their is no direct flight, that means that it is hard to get to, and with gas prices the way they are it is expensive to drive here, I get that. I also get that the majority of the people here suck ass. I get that I have to put myself out more and find my own group, which will probably be from the SCA so that I can geek out as much as I want without upsetting the bible beaters here.
I think this would be totally different if this was a war I supported and a cause I believed in, unfortunately I see this as a pit of despair being made worse everyday, and unless my husband goes AWOL and goes to jail or runs to Canada we are screwed and have to do what Bush tells us to do. This is not a job he can just quit. I never want him to be deployed again, I don't want him to sign up again, I hate this.
Oops, frothing at the mouth raging bitch has come early today. Damn. Wine buzz must earlier to compensate soon or all hell will break loose.
So my biggest adjustment so far has been changing my role. I used to just be disciplinarian, teacher, beast wrangler, chef, maid, sex goddess (LOL!)...now I have to be fun too. Man I think I used to be fun, I mean my niece and nephew thought I was fun when I was just "Crazy Aunt Colleen". It was great to play with kids, spoil them, then put them back where you found them, but in reality I have relied on Jason to be the fun one because dammit I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO TO BE FUN!!! Being in charge is stressful and playing when you are all stressed out does not work. Dee, Nicole what is the first thing I do when I get to hang out with you once a year or once every few months? Tequila Sunrises! I have to, man it is hard to carry so many responsibilities with you at all times.
Jason is gone, I have to be fun. I have to make sure that I stop getting things done and make time to play. We went to the beach tonight for a picnic, but we almost didn't make it because Connor was being a five year-old boy and my one remaining semi not frazzled nerve was about to go. He sincerely begged me and we ended up having a good time. I think I am learning a lot on this deployment, it is a huge time for serious reflection.
I can do this because: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonnit I bought a new bottle of wine.
She is missing, last seen stuffed deep inside Jason's bag.
Jason rescued one of Alanna's "My Little Pony" figures from the wrath of a chewy puppy a few days ago and it has been sitting on top of his night side table ever since. This morning when we woke up I was feeling a bit naughty so I grabbed the pink pony and stuffed it into his nicely packed bag. I giggled imagining his surprise when he gets to Iraq and pulls a pony out of his bag, then realized that he needed one of Connor's toys to balance things out.
Yea, a whale is going to Iraq.
Am I passive agressive? Maybe. Do I think it is incredible silly to think of a man stationed in Iraq wearing full camo gear pulling a pink pony out of his bag? Absolutely. Does a deployed father need a whale? You bet. I am sure the kids will get a kick out of seeing pictures of their toys in Iraq with Daddy.
My husband told me when we first met that he was agnostic, he hated anything to do with religion and has sneered at any mention of churches. Today while we are at church he told me he was going to go the bathroom while the kids were playing on the playground, he comes back with the minister so we can officially sign the membership book and join the church. Wow, unexpected, but wonderful.
There is a new giraffe at the local zoo, he is a male. "Does he have a polka dot weiner?"
Me: "One more game of my new game: Mario Cart Racing." Connor: "You so totally rock mom!"
Usually a phone call during dinner upsets me, but this one gave me a few extra precious days with my husband. What a great Mother's Day Gift!
What's happier than shoes? Mmmmm, yummy. I got a pair of these sandals in New Orleans and fell in love with them, They are antimicrobial, waterproof, and best of all you can put whatever ribbon you like in them! As long as a craft store sells ribbon, you can change your shoes to match your outfit!
I like the Caroline style the best, with a slight wedge, but there are lots of other styles too. I originally bought them in brown, but today I ordered them in red and black too. Free shipping right now. Kids sizes too!
This style is called the Madison, I bet I know a certain Virginia dwelling girl who might like a pair.