These should brighten your day:

Star Wars Monty Python

Charlie Brown Christmas Hey Ya Style

Told you so.
I did Thanksgiving at my house this year, but only because my family would not have gotten together if I had not offered. My Mom's house is the LEAST child-friendly house around, filled floor to ceiling with antique glass doo-dads that the kids are not allowed to touch. The entire time there would be spent saying "don't touch that!", so not relaxing. My sister has a bumper sticker on her ass that says "honk if parts fall off", she has to go to doctors every week for some new ailment, this week it was the emergency room for something or other. I feel really bad for her because she is in pain all of the time and no one can figure out what it is...but Jason and I both think that it is all triggered by her brain, basically any stress she feels shows up elsewhere on her body. Finding a window of time in her pain cycle that would allow her to host Thanksgiving is damn near impossible. SO, they all came here for a vegetarian Thanksgiving.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!! Take that family! No more sitting around a table glorifying the carcass of a dead bird. Awesome.

Jason had to go to the hospital and check on one of the babies he just delivered so he could not help as much as I had anticipated, but on the flip side he did not have to leave in the middle of the meal to catch a baby! All was in readiness till my sister called and said she would be late. On this base if you have more than 4 people coming you have to fill out paperwork 48 hours in advance and they all have to come on at the same time. Mom mother is always early and had been sitting at the gate for a half hour by the time my sister arrived. The pissy moods were in place before they even got to my house. I was in the kitchen in my underwear cutting greenbeans when my sister called to say she was at the gate. Just then my neighbor, her newborn baby and her husband show up to beg Jason for medical advice. They had been to the emergency room here on base and were still uphappy with the advice they were given (with good reason, what quack tells a parent to give a newborn baby a popsicle for dehydration?) So I am in my underwear and need to run upstairs to get pants on to pick up my family, but have to get by my neighbor's with their newborn baby medical crisis. Already it is a perfect American family moment, so Norman Rockwell. Can you envision the painting?

I tell Jason to have them move their car so I can pull out of the driveway and use that opportunity to dash upstairs. Dressed, I give my friend a reassuring kiss and hug before I zip out to the gate. I make the decision then in there while driving to the gate that I am in control of how I react to the chaos, and I set the tone for how others will react. Calm. Breathe.

I hug everyone and say all is forgotten, let's start over. I didn't let my sister's request to take holiday photos of the kids tweak my mood, nor the mix up of who would bring the wine. I delegated. I was a queen upon my throne. "You go get more wine. You there, take drink orders. Dad move that over there. Mom taste this." I finally fealt the authority to tell others what needed to be done instead of taking it all on myself and freaking out, such a rookie mistake. Delegating rocks.

My crafty idea of cutting placemats out of brown paper bags and having everyone draw what they are thankful for worked out well. We all switched placemats at stood in a circle to read eath other's out loud. Everyone had fun with that. Connor got to sit at a table with his older cousins while Alanna roamed about taking bites here and there. My family actually had a good time...TOGETHER. My brother-in-law loved Tofurkey and even had seconds.

My dessert did not go as planned, but that happens when you make your own recipe sometimes. The thought was to have a pumpkin/cool whip/vanilla pudding topping, graham cracker crust and chocolate in the middle. Sounds yummy right? Just don't use 2 whole bags of melted chocolate chips in the middle. DUH! We needed an ice pick almost to cut through that. It was easier to pick it up and eat it like a pizza because the chocolate was so hard. It tasted good, but next time I wil put fudge in the middle.

At the end I got a huge surprise, my sister gave me a card saying how sorry she was for treating my like crap my whole life! She realizes that even though she never appreciated me, that other people like me and she is glad that I have found acceptance elsewhere since it was never offered at home. Hmm, yea the large chip on my shoulder has whittled away a lot since I have limited my contact with my family.

Realizing that she has been a horrible mega-bitch to me my whole life is a start, treating me like I am a person is another thing. What a Thanksgiving miracle: my family ate Tofurkey and had fun, and my sister apologized for 3 decades of torment.By the way the baby went to a better ER and is ok now.

Somewhere out there an angel just got it's wings.

Tune in next time for a full report on our weekend with T A M O R A P I E R C E !!
I had heard about this situation in Oprah, but did not realize the scale on which this violence is perpetrated. Read this article. It will change you, and if it dosn't then nothing will. There is something really wrong with this world when violence isn't violent enough anymore. I want to hole up on a piece of land far from the atrocities of man and protect my children from the evil in this world, but the world needs every fighter for justice it can muster.

There are so many horrible things happening in the world today that it makes you wonder what is wrong with humanity? Are we really the end product of millions of years of evolution? Are modern socities really the offspring of man's history? What have we learned in the last few thousand years of civilization? Have we learned anything? I read this article and feel dispair that we are all doomed, but that is when I have to pick myself up by my bootstraps and realize that if I don't fight the problems now, I am leaving it an even bigger mess for my children. The polar ice caps are melting, heating up the oceans and making the water more acidic, killing coral reefs in droves. The Middle East is heating up to a fiery level that is threatening to drag the whole world into another war. I see the abulances make their way from the flight line on their way to Walter Reed Army Hospital, filled with young boys missing limbs. I see the women and children in my neighborhood, on my block and at my dinner table missing theri loved ones in Iraq. WTF world? Have we not learned anything?

I have to commit myself to action, I am not ready to face my children when they ask me why the world is in such sad shape and tell them with a shrug "I am only one person, what could I do?" That is not what I want to teach them.

For now, I have decided that 5% of the profits from my new business will go to Heal Africa, what could be more fitting than women using their own sexual liberation to help heal victims of sexual abuse?

How else can we act globally to create the most change? Ideas. Discuss.
You know I love this author. You know I do. I have loved her since 1985, and still read her books. I named my daughter after the main characted in he first series, then made her the official Fairy Godmother of my daughter (she has since adopted both of them as Fairy Godmother). Do you know what she did? CAN YOU EVEN FRICKING GUESS?

No, you can't. It will hurt your head, you can't even imagine.

She named a street in her new book after me. AHHHHHHH!!! Fangirlgasm!

If you know my last name, take a look at ANY bookstore at her book (probably in the young adult section)"Terrier", about 3 pages in there is a map of the city detailing the street names. The main street is my last name! AHHH! My last name comes from my husband and is Finnish in origin...completely out of place in a book set in medeival England. The street is mentioned over and over in the book, I get goosebumps everytime I see it again. Tee hee! She did change one letter of my last name but it does not change the sound of it, I can see why she did it for legal reasons...I mean she didn't tell me she was going to do it. What if I was pissed? I am thrilled of course. I saw her October 30th at a book signing with the kids and she didn't even tell me, not that she had a chance to I guess because the kids got unruly and I had to leave early.

I dressed Alanna up like the character she is named for, so she was dressed as a knight with red hair. Her Little Mermaid wig was priceless with the knight outfit. Connor was also dressed as a knight to be in the spirit of things. As soon as she came to the podium the kids rushed to hug her! It was so cute. Then she told the whole audience that "These are my Fairy Godchildren". Alanna kept going up to her during the book reading and hugging her leg. She has not even seen this woman since she was 4 months old, so there has to just be some natural chemistry. Tamora Pierce even held her on her hip for a while during the question and answer session. But it was an hour past their bedtime and with daylight savings that was like 2 hours past...with Halloween the next day, so we had to go.

Imagine my shock as 2 weeks later I sink down into a hot bath, crack open my new book and freak out 30 seconds later as I see my name on the map.

I just got an e-mail back from her. She was happy that I liked it so much. Man I can't wait to see her again at the sci-fi convention this month.

If you didn't know already, Tamora Pierce rocks!
Happy belated Halloween

I used 2 photos for Alanna to get a good smile and a good pose. It was hard to make the mermaid fins look see through, I should have thought of that before I took the pictures. Connor's picture is 2 photos too with his feet Photoshopped to look like he was swimming. The background is 2 photos as well. Enjoy my masterpiece.
It is not official yet, but I am going to become a Passion Parties Rep! I won't have to sell stuff on eBay all of the time to pay for family vacations...allegedly. Everyone I have told so far says it totally fits my personality. Hmmm, "dildo saleswoman", there's one my parents never saw coming as they dropped me off at college!

The details should be worked out completely in like a week or so. I only really want to do 2 or 3 shows a month. I don't have time for much more. The lady who is going to train me works right here on base! She makes more from doing the parties than she does from the Air Force. Ha! Kind of funny when you think about it.

Anywhooooo check this out, it is old style cool. This kid is fricking talented. If I was a teenaged girl near him, he would SO be my boyfriend.

What's the deal with me grooving on some cute nerdy-cool kid? I am like some old perv. Is this what it is like to be an old dude checking out young girls and drooling? I mean, when it is Leo Decaprio in "Titanic", we all fell in lust. If you are cool, you totally fell for Ewan Mcgregor in "Moulin Rouge", that is very acceptable, but now that I am almost 31 (and married), it is not cool to check out teenaged guys. *sigh* At least I can sell dildos. LOL!
I have lost 15 lbs!!! I am one pants size smaller and my bras are too big now (YEA!).
Everyone wants to know how I am doing it, so I will share what I am doing.

Nothing Earthshattering. That's the key. Every other time I have tried to lose weight I went on a strict plan and then despaired when I fell off the wagon, so I stopped doing that. I looked at myself and tried to work with who I am. Who am I?

I am not the kind of person to wake up early in the morning to exercise before everyone else is awake. It is not going to happen that way, so I won't keep beating myself up for it.

I cannot keep to a regular exercise program. How many times in the past did I beat myself up for failing to exercise on a specific day and then just give up?

I need to take care of myself. I can take care of my family and have more mental energy when I have eaten a well-balanced meal and gotten exercise too. My kids can wait an extra few minutes while I prepare a salad for myself, it won't kill them. In fact, free playtime is encouraged according to Parents Magazine. Same goes for taking my walks, MOMMY NEEDS IT. The kids will deal damnit. I got Connor an FP3 player with stories and music that he can only use during walks. It shuts him up, keeps him happy and keeps Mommy happy too.

I read once that we shouldn't have kids just to drop everything we do and let our lives revolve around them, kids should fit into our lives. It makes sense. With all of the propaganda out there, we are supposed to spend 24 hours a day making the perfect meals, arranging the perfect playdates, constructing the perfect crafts, teaching them calculus at age 3. Give me a break! That will lead to a bunch of self-centered brats who think that the world DOES revolve around them. Making time to take a shower each day, blow dry my hair and eat some protein combined with whole grains and fiber in the morning has improved my mood so much, and it shows 100% in how I deal with my kids. I have the emotional energy to fill them up with love and give them my all! Forcing myself to get them in the double stroller and walk even when Connor balks at the idea eventually leads to a happier family. We make a deal that if Mommy gets to exercise, Connor gets to exercise too. Right after my walk Connor gets to play with his friends down the street and ride his 3 wheeler. Wow, we are all getting healthier!

In a nutshell, here is what is different about my life now:
I try to eat a semi-South Beach diet (phase 2)in that I make sure whatever I eat combines protein, fiber and whole grains. In the morning that is 1 of 4 meals: peanutbutter toast on wholegrain bread, Smart Start cereal with soy milk, a microwaved Amy's cheese burrito (beans, rice, cheese on whole grain tortilla, or scrambled eggs with 1 slice of toast and fruit. Lunch is either a microwaved spinach quiche, a sandwich or a salad with a chopped up veggie chik pattie in it. At dinner time I eat a big salad before I eat my entree, I eat less of whatever I made for dinner, and actually feel full faster.

I have given up drinking soda. I will not have another soda till next September, then it will be 1 full year. Number one, that sugar puts you on a bloodsugar spiral that sends your eating out of control. The constant energy rush, then crash, then hunger for sugary or salty foods and carbs makes you a slave to the demands of the soda gods. Hmm, so no sugar rush, no cravings. Nice. Number two, the carbonation is soda does make you excrete calcium, not as much as people once thought...but any amount is a bad amount since I have only 8 years left to work on my bone health before I reach 40. Apparently having healthy bones before age 40 decreases the osteoporosis risk. Number 3, just cutting out those few sodas a week decreases my calorie intake and makes me replace it with something better for me, like water. Number four, I drink coffee without adding the calorie laden stuff into it for the energy rush and have no bloodsugar crash later on.

I aim just to do SOMETHING each week. If I walk once, great! If I do a workout tape once, great! There are no set rules, and no guilt. Sometimes life is hectic and I can't get ANY cardio for a week and a half, some weeks I get over 4 hours of cardio! I do what I can, and feel great while I do it. Anything is better than nothing, but having no wagon to fall off of is priceless. Stop the bandwagons, then you never fall off.

Buying my ipod shuffle makes me look forward to my walks, it kicks ass, does not get in my way like the cd walkman did, never skips, and sounds awesome!

I bought 2 long rectangular dry erase boards to hang on either side of my calendar to keep me organized. One is a to do list on top, and a motivational message of the week at the bottom. The other side is a meal list at the top and a weigh in amount on the bottom. I am keeping my focus IN FOCUS all day long. My message right now actually relates to dealing with Connor, not weight but it is still good, it calms me. "Yelling is violence, violence perpetuates violence." It is so true, eliminating all yelling makes this house full of positive energy and makes Connor behave better. Well DUH! When you yell at someone you spew anger, they react back with anger. Hmm, that explains a lot about my childhood, but I digress. Keeping my tone soft allows me to show my love for Connor, and it allows him to learn to behave peacefully. Model what you want them to exhibit!

Did I pig out on Halloween candy? Yes, but then I gave it all away to the hospital staff the next day. Did I have a night out with my friends drinking too much wine and being so completely obnoxious that they never want to speak to me again? Well yes, but I am working on my issues. Still have some work to do. They key is to balance it, when you go hog wild one day, go sparingly the next day.

I am looking at this as I life process not a quick fix. I will take steps backward because I am human, but I won't stop trying. Try, try, try, try, bag of Doritos, try again, try, try, try, try!