I am going to embark on a plan to make time for myself. Sounds crazy I know, but I am disorganized, saddled with two babies worth of baby fat somewhat depressed and feeling muddy headed. I figured out tonight that when I get time out of the house without the kids all of the sudden I can think more clearly and feel liberated. Well duh, if you don't find a way to re-charge yourself you have no fuel to run your life.

I bought some life-organizing tools at Target tonight and am vowing to get up at 6 AM (and not just listen to Alanna crying till she goes back to sleep, but actually get up with her)so that I can feed Alanna and get her back down for a nap (or playtime as she grows out of the morning nap) and do some excercise before Connor wakes up. Once Connor is up the whirling malestrom begins.

In honor of this decision, here are a few things that have nothing to do with my family, but make me happy:

-The kick ass base in my mini-van
-Listening to the Beastie Boys at full blast and enjoying the base in my mini-van when the kids are not around, and yes being one of those annoying people you hate when you can feel the base from their car stereos in your chest as you watch them jam in front of you at the stop light (cause I get to do it once every other month)
-Reading fantasy novels
-Buying Origins facial products
-Watching back to back episodes of shows on TLC like "What Not To Wear", "While You Were Out", "Honey We're Killing The Kids" etc. and/or "Vacation Home Search" and "Amazing Vacation Homes" on the Travel Channel
-My new printer
-Swing Dancing
-Swing music
-Crushed grahm crackers in ice cream like Ben & Jerry's "Marsha Marsha Marshmallow"
-Oatmeal cookie dough, especially when butterscotch chips are in it
-Ben and Jerry's Oatmeal Cookie Chunk
-Killians Irish Red beer
-Celtic knots and anything Irish
-Cinnamon lube
-Not too dry somewhat fruity red wine
-F L O R I D A
-The Florida Keys
-Red lipstick

That's all for now. Moms it is so easy for us to loose ourselves in service to our families. Let's make a pact to help each other not do that ok? Colga, Julee, Amber, Sabrina, Tiffani, Cass tell me your favorite things that have nothing to do with our family but everything to do with who YOU are!
I am knee deep in the race to raise money for our trip to Massachusetts. I sold Connor's old Winnie the Pooh crib bedding set for $76.00 last night and Alanna's co-sleeper is up to $91.00 right now, ending in 2 hours. I have more stuff to put up this week, and a yard sale to organize for July 8th. We have to raise at least $500 and save at least $500. What an incentive! We go to Gloucester in mid-August to go whale watching for 3 days, everything is already booked. Woohoo!

It is amazing the things you will do for your children. I am reappraising everything I own for it's sale-ability so Connor can see real live humpback whales.

Why is this so important? He quizzes me everyday about which whales are baleen whales and which ones are toothed whales. Baleen: humpbacks, gray whales, blue whales, bowhead whales, right whales. Toothed: orcas, narwhals, belugas, sperm whales..Etc.

And just so you know, Alanna has 4 teeth, is very close to completely weaning herself and turns ONE YEAR OLD in 2 weeks!
I am listening to to Connor cry right now. I am so fed up with his behavior I am just beside myself. We spent 1 billion dollars re-decorating his room in a whale theme. Not an easy thing to do folks. He has a new elevated bed from Ikea with a place to play underneath, a new whale border on the walls, whale posters, whale pictures, a handmade whale comforter, matching window treatments, the works. I guess I should have known that a 3 year-old can't handle all of that, because he is 3.

He was home and watched us put the room together for him step by step. He saw the labor we put into it and was thrilled. I never thought that the border would be a problem since he had a Pooh border before, but apparently the combination of an elevated bed and a new border were just too much for him. Now at Connor's quiet time and sometimes in the morning before we get him out of his room he wreaks havoc. The first time he ripped it I just cried, then he cried at seeing me upset, then he ripped it again when I went to talk to him about it calmly. I cried again and tried to work it out with him. Rip # 3 we worked out some solutions and talked about feelings. Rip #4 I took ALL of his whales away: books, t-shirts, toys, blanket, lampshade, wall hangings, curtains...everything. I made a rewards chart for him so he could earn his whales back one by one through good behavior. Rip #5 happened the same day. Real old-fashioned spanking ensued for the first time in his life.

He was better for about a week and seemed to like earning whale dollars to get his whales back, but the past 2 days he is back at it again. We are not going to fix the border until he stops, obviously. The border is destroyed in a few places now, and at $28 a roll that makes me cry even more.

I have tried to ignore it, it dosn't stop. I have tried to talk about our feelings and problem solve, it dosn't stop. I have tried taking away his favorite possessions, it dosn't stop. I tried a rewards chart, it dosn't stop. I spanked and it stopped for a little while.

I am at my wits end. He is 3 and I just can't do anything nice for him I guess. He goes from being such a sweet boy to being a mean little troll.

Why did they say 2 was such a terrible age? Three sucks ass.
Stephen Colbert asking that congressman that wanted the 10 commandments displayed in courthouses to name all 10 commandments. Pah!
I know I started this blog so that I had a way to vent that wasn't taking it out on my kids, but often I find that when things get to be too much I don't even have the where-with-all to blog. Hmm.

Connor is a nut, and on top of it has a leaking ear ache, a fever and is vomiting. Alanna is so mobile now that is is driving me nuts. She crawls fast, pulls herself to standing and now climbs. She is everwhere and is doing a good job of weaning herself against my wishes. At least she could drink formula or soy milk for Pete's sake!!! Apparently Daddy hates the idea of fortifiying her through food (formula powder in her oatmeal and whatnot). It worked for Connor and he is off the charts in height.

My house is so messy, I really want to hide from it, I mean what's the point? I could spend every second of the day cleaning it and still turn around and have nothing to show for it, the beings who live here would just destroy it again. Jason said that if I were a SIMS character I would have no bars on my cleanliness meter. Screw him, his children are still alive when he comes home every so often so he can deal. I take care of 7 aquatic creatures, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 kids and a rat, by the end of the day I got nothing; no energy either emotional or physical. The house is just going to look like this until he one God Damned day off to help me clean it, which will be in two weeks. No I am not making that up, two weeks. Imagine working 3 weeks, mostly 12 or 14 hour shifts with no days off. At least he is not a pilot, that is my only consoling thought.

Anywhooo...thought I was not venting enough.

Watch this. It features one of my favorite all time bands doing a cool song. Frack I wish we had the technology to do this when we were kids.
Really cool special effest. Give your brain something fun to do!

Click here
Hey this makes me really mad.The government spend millions to destroy lives and decimate the cultures of the ethnic populations they try to "liberate", now they want to take away true American culture? Public broadcasting is one of the last checks-and-balances systems left to our country. Take that away and the voice of the public will have no where to turn, the only message on the airwaves will be dictated by the billion dollar corporate media monopolies. Is that democracy?

Everyone expected House Republicans to give up efforts to kill NPR and PBS after a massive public outcry stopped them last year. But they've just voted to eliminate funding for NPR and PBS—unbelievably, starting with programs like "Sesame Street."

Public broadcasting would lose nearly a quarter of its federal funding this year. Even worse, all funding would be eliminated in two years--threatening one of the last remaining sources of watchdog journalism.

Sign the petition telling Congress to save NPR and PBS again this year:

Last year, millions of us took action to save NPR and PBS, and Congress listened. We can do it again if enough of us sign the petition in time.

This would be the most severe cut in the history of public broadcasting. The Boston Globe reports the cuts "could force the elimination of some popular PBS and NPR programs." NPR's president expects rural public radio stations may be forced to shut down.

The House and Senate are deciding if public broadcasting will survive, and they need to hear from viewers like you. Sign the petition at:


P.S. Read the Boston Globe story on the threat to NPR and PBS at:
My dad just got the cardiac imaging done and they couldn't find the problem, or it has miraculously gone away. Stay tuned to see which one it was. I spent the day taking care of my kiddos and my sisters kids. I am beat.

But more importantly...

I just finished a book series that had 2 trilogies, so that is 6 very thick books that I loved on, ignored my kids and the dishes to spend time with, counted the hours till I could stay up all night reading, suck-my-brain goodness. The last book was 918 pages of wraping things up in amazing ways. The first series is the Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb. The continuation of the series is the second trilogy The Tawny Man trilogy , these books are for the serious fantasy lovers only! Very intricate plots and very deep characters. A bit violent, a bit of romance, some magic, tons of intrigue, great characters...amazing plots and page turning crack addictiveness. I totally ignored my family all day on Sunday to finish the last book. I read 300 pages that day because I could not put the book down. Jason was less than impressed.

I have an addictive personality. But here is the real secret: I had to finish up quickly because I knew that the next book in one of my ALL FRICKING TIME favorite series was going to be delivered this week. Kushiel's Scion, by Jacqueline Carey arrived today. I reade the other books in the Kushiel's line and they were amazing. I know Nicole is not as deep into fantasy as I am, she could not get into it, I accept that. But for those of you who like sex, fantasy, magic, romance, epic battles, kick-ass characters, sex, heroines that save the country, sex, romance, intrigue and did I mention sex? Well, you'll like this series.

I read all three of the Kushiel's books over and over again trying to relive the experience. I have been waiting for this book with almost as much anticipation as the birth of my daughter, but with no fear of the pain of labor. It's here. Woohoo!

I feel torn though. When you really get into a series like the last one I read, the characters stay with you for a while, I almost need a mourning period to transition for one series to another, like a sharp sorbet to cleanse my palate between courses. I also know that it will be crack cocaine rehab hard to get things done around this house if I dive into this here book sitting so innocently next to my keyboard. I'll just take a peek and then it will suck on my brain. I will be powerless. I'll make Connor breastfeed Alanna and run away with my book. Mmmmmm, yummy...BOOK.

Should I just hold it and pet it?

Who am I kidding? CHARRRRRRRGE!
I just received the Father's Day memory book I created online. It turned out pretty well, there are 76 pictures in it. They start out black and white and end at gorgeous digital pictures. Creating a memory book online is so cool. It arrived today looking pretty much the way I thought it would. I made it for him to bring to his high school's 50th reunion in July. I just pray he makes it.

My dad is going in for heart surgery tomorrow. This is the second round of it. He is not feeling very good right now and I hope this does the trick. Thinking about people performing surgery on my Dad's heart is kind of scary, I mean he's my Dad. You just take it for granted that your dad is always there no matter what.

Mow that I am in my early 30's the need to lose weight is even more important you know. I have to do it to keep my fricking heart healthy, which is the BIGGEST KILLER of women, not breast cancer. I am out of shape, over weight, and weighed down by two small children, but if I don't take care of myself I might not be here to take care of my grandkids.

My kids need to know their Grandad. Cross your fingers for him ok?
I need to wean. Alanna really does not even like breastfeeding. A baby not liking to breastfeed you say? Yes. She was only nursing for about 5 minutes at a time until I started to attach a toy to my bra strap to hold her attention. Now if there is no toy she will not nurse. Sometimes like before bed she just refuses, most kids insist on a nightime nursing session.

The problem is that she does not like formula. I have been working to get her to use a sippy cup and she likes to drink water out of it, just not formula. I am not going to do cow's milk for many reasons; included in them is my own bout of lactose intolerance as a child. Fortified soy milk is not a valid replacement for infant formula until she is older. So what do I do? Paint my boobs with chocolate to entice her till she is older?

I read so many stories of women not wanting to wean because their child loves it so much, and here I have the opposite issue. Just my luck. Most women lose weight when they breastfeed and I gain weight. Sheesh.

Any suggestions?